Man stumbles upon private chat between girlfriend and sister, 3-year relationship ends in break up after he learns her true feelings: ‘I’m completely out of his league'

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 2, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Welcome, women of the WWW. Everyone complains about their partner from time to time. No relationship is 100% perfect, and letting off steam with trusted friends or family can help you pinpoint issues and see them from a new perspective. However, what you say and how you talk about your partner in private reveals the truth about the relationship. Privately roasting your partner might feel cathartic when your emotions are high, but if the gossip sesh doesn't end with empathy and an attempt to come up with solutions to your relationship problems, maybe you're better off breaking up. 
In our story today, a man stumbles upon nasty messages between his girlfriend and her sister. Despite literally doing his girlfriends homework for her so that she can go party, she privately confesses that she thinks he is lazy and out of his league. She makes no effort to defend him when the sister makes her own unpleasant remarks, and our protagonist is left wondering why she's still with him if that's how she really thinks. Get the full story down below!

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  • 01
    "I accidentally found a convo between [my gf] and her sister where my gf said she's out of my league, would never want kids with me, and would resent me for making less money than her."
    via @brand107455826
  • 02
    r/relationship_advice u/noclue55555 • 1d I accidentally saw a text on my (28M) girlfriend (29F) computer saying that she feels she's out of my league. I feel like I have to break up with her?
    via u/noclue55555
  • 03
    TLDR: Went to help gf with presentation, accidentally found a convo between her and her sister where my gf said she's out of my league, unambitious, eat like sh, would never want kids with me even if we did want them (we don't) and would resent me for making less money than her
    via u/noclue55555
  • 04
    I've been with my girlfriend for around 3 years, everything has been pretty good overall. This happened a few weeks ago so I've had time to think on it. My girlfriend had an opportunity to go on a free sunset cruise (fancy dinner, drinks etc) with some coworkers but had a presentation due that night which needed a bit of work, so I said I'd do it
    via u/noclue55555

    This saint was willing to do his girlfriend's work just so she could go on a sunset cruise and enjoy herself without him.

  • 05
    so she could go. Turns out it needed a bit more work than I thought. I was on her macbook and I want to send it to myself to work on the desktop (windows) so I can be more comfortable. So I open messages, can't find my name in the recent convos, and just type it in the search bar. When you do that on a Mac it turns out that it'll show the contacts (if you search a name) and also show the most recent conversations where the search term (my name)
    via u/noclue55555

    My favorite modern myth: Pandora's Private iMessages.

  • 06
    was mentioned. Right before I click my name I notice a message from her sister that says "I like (op) a lot but I feel like you are very much out of his league and he should try harder to be a better man for you", so I open it (may be I know) to which my gf responded "I agree". I read their convo, nothing more, and she went on to say that she thinks I'm unambitious, "eat like sh", "will resent me for making less than her" and that she "wouldn't want kids with (me) even if she(gf) did want kids".
    via u/noclue55555
  • 07
    She said that I was the one thing keeping her happy though. This was said during a fight over her never being willing to visit me 1hr away and leaving me to do all the traveling, but then saying she was going to fly 6hrs one way to visit her male friend (only context given) for literally one day. She'd fly in at night, spend one day together, then fly back the
    via u/noclue55555

    Um, this seems like a much bigger red flag than some messages she sent to blow off steam after a heated argument.

  • 08
    following day. It turned into a fight because she was willing to fly 12hr round trip and spend hundreds of dollars on a flight (and we both have no money because we're students so it's a big deal) but wouldn't travel 1hr away to visit me for an entire weekend. Just to clarify, she didn't end up going because I thought it was suspicious, we got in a fight and during/after the fight the convo took place.
    via u/noclue55555
  • 09
    I'd agree that she probably is out of my league, and she will almost definitely make more money than me, but we both will have doctoral degrees and I expect to make ~120-130k and she'll probably make ~250-300k, so there is an income disparity but it's not like I'm not making good money regardless. I don't think I eat that bad, and I'm slim (low end of
    via u/noclue55555

    The way her sister describes him in the texts, you'd think he's on track to be a Walmart cashier.

  • 10
    normal bmi) so I don't think I'm completely out of touch there but definitely not eating salmon and steak every night. There was no mistreatment on either end. I try to do nice things with and for her within the means of my $0 student salary and her parents like me. I just think she doesn't like me I almost feel dumb for asking but, I'd be a fool if I didn't break up with her, right?
    via u/noclue55555
  • 11
    Update: yeah we're done. sorry it wasn't the dramatic ending some may have been looking for, but I did bring up what I saw, she cried and said she didn't mean it etc and that was about it. Thanks for the people reminding me I'm a catch because it seems like I forgot that for a bit ;) but I'll probably wait a bit before dating again so I won't be able to see how true that is for a lil while
    via u/noclue55555
  • 12
    Small edits/clarification: she didn't go on the 12hr round trip flights because I called her out, she cheated in the past but not on me (that I know of), and for people saying I'm "cooked" or things like that for waiting this long, I had very important tests to take so I didn't want the additional drama until they were over so it's not like I read it and was gonna let it slide 3,143 ☐ 664 D
    via u/noclue55555
  • 13
    Psychological-Ad1574⚫ 1d Mate, put aside what she says for a second. She's willing to go visit a male friend 6 hours away but unwilling to visit you an hour away ever? That should've been the end right there. Reply 3 8.8k
    via u/Psychological-Ad1574?

    Exactly, the relationship should've ended a while ago.

  • 14
    cgannett. 1d This right here. My eyebrows shot up at this sentence...who the h I is this male friend? Do you know him? Why is she going there? With that statement, and the ones to her sister, I'd be seriously looking at your relationship. Updateme 154
    via u/cgannett
  • 15
    Cheap-Asparagus-7144. 1d My thoughts exactly, you could have forgone the rest of the story and just shared that! That's very shady! Sounds like you're actually out of her league, there will be a woman who appreciates all that you do, don't settle for her!! ↑ 63
    via u/Cheap-Asparagus-7144
  • 16
    Runneymeade • 1d Wow, she thinks she's out of your league when you're the type of guy who'd finish her work for her so she can go party. My friend, you are a true unicorn. Smart, hard-working, humble, and KIND. You should definitely dump her and find someone who deserves you. Btw, women can have a tendency to talk about their relationships with their family and friends, but dissing your SO like she did is really poor form. And an overnight to an opposite- "friend"? No way. She sounds like a user
    via u/Runneymeade

    He's literally earning her high-paying degree that she's so prematurely proud by doing her work for her.

  • 17
    floridaeng • 1d My petty side says to tell her you just don't think she is up to your standards. You think you deserve to be with someone that wants to be with you and doesn't just use you as a convenient bed warmer and free tech support. You're tired of having to put in most of the effort to keep the relationship going and you have decided you're tired of settling for her and its time to find someone better. Dump it on her that she is not good enough to keep as a GF and walk away with your head
    via u/floridaeng
  • 18
    AdAgitated8109. 1d Yep, just let her know that you'v been relegated and wish her luck in the upcoming season. ← Reply 569
    via u/AdAgitated8109
  • 19
    Important_Ladder341 • 1d If that's all the dynamics in this, something sounds off or she's extremely entitled. You earn high wages, so you can still provide. Doctoral degree and not ambitious? So, there is something bothering her, and this is her cover, or she has a fairytale ideal of a man worthy of her.
    via u/Important_Ladder341
  • 20
    Either way, it's really judgmental and is more negatively focusing on you. I feel a partner should highlight your strong points. It doesn't mean excuse bad behavior. She is probably insecure or afraid of something, or she would have left. Reply 213
    via u/Important_Ladder341
  • 21
    LightBelowTheSnow. 1d I am so sorry you had to read something so painful, but now that you know the truth, yes, this person does not respect you and does not value you as a person. And you deserve to find someone who does. Best of luck to you in moving on. It s ks, but you will be better off, and one day you will find someone who truly loves you and all you bring to the table. ← Reply ↑ 79 ↓
    via u/LightBelowTheSnow
  • 22
    liluyvene . 1d You're not good enough for her but still willing to do her work for her. There's someone out there that will appreciate the effort you put in and what you have to offer. I'd talk with her and let her know what you read, and let her know your decision. It's worth a conversation after this long. Reply 56
    via u/liluyvene
  • 23
    lyrahufflepuff • 1d You're literally doing her work whiles she's off having fun... you're getting a PhD, but she calls you unambitious... this sounds like her own insecurities bubbling up because I couldn't fathom someone else working on my own presentation when I should be doing it myself. And you said it needed a lot more work than you thought.... homegirl is putting you down bc she doesn't feel smart enough. Idk idk. But breakup for sure cus Reply 23
    via u/lyrahufflepuff

    She's just using him.

  • 24
    amber130490 • 1d You're actually out of her league. Do yourself a favor and find someone who will respect and appreciate you. She's not it. Reply 28 ♡
    via u/amber130490
  • 25
    Colanasou⚫ 1d Counter it. Tell her youve thought about it and youre out of her league. That how shes acting is concerning and you cant have that in your future. Reply ✩ 10
    via u/Colanasou

    This response is so deliciously petty.

  • 26
    FiresiteRS. 1d Yep you know what you need to do. She is just waiting for the bigger better deal. An once that comes along she will dump you for someone better. Don't settle for someone who doesn't think the world of you. Reply + 8 ♡ 3
    via u/FiresiteRS
  • 27
    morpheuseus ⚫ 1d • When she was willing to fly for that man and not drive 1 hour for you, that's a huge indicator she doesn't really like you/respect you. She sounds obsessed with status too. I'm sorry pal ... Reply 6 ♡
    via u/morpheuseus

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